Selah - You Raise Me Up


God, where are you? Why don’t you hear me? Can’t you see me; can’t you see my pain? I know you can, but why don’t you do something? The Bible says you are a loving heavenly father, so how can you let me suffer like this? If my child were in pain, I would do all that I possibly could to help relieve it. I love my child. Don’t you love me God? I am in pain Lord! I am really, really in pain! Please, show me your mercy. I long to be healed; it is all I think about. Can you understand? I need to be healed. I have work to do and people who depend on me, yet I can’t do anything. I can’t stay like this forever, Lord. Please, hear my cry.

I feel like a broken record, God. Why must I ask over and over for this to be taken from me? I just don’t understand. Why? Why aren’t you doing anything? It has been so long. Lord, don’t you want me to have a normal life? You can’t possibly want me to suffer like this, how could you if you love me? You are silent. I ask why and I just get silence. Won’t you please just give me a word…one word? Just anything…I want to hear your voice. I want you to tell me something about this pain, about why I am not healed, about why you have allowed this, about how you will help me. I just want one word. I am hearing nothing Lord. Where are you?

People around me don’t understand. My friends think that I am complaining too much. They think it is just a normal ‘monthly’ thing, just a normal problem that many people have and it is no big deal. They don’t know how often I deal with this pain. I can tell by the looks on their faces, “Why can’t you do such and such, only because of THAT!?” They don’t get it, God. My husband suffers…I can’t cook or clean or do anything half the time, much less hold a job. My marriage suffers because of this, God, surely this isn’t your will. I know my attitude is wrong; you are God, and who am I to question you like this. My Lord, I want to rest in you, but when the pain hits, my mind can’t even think straight.

You are God, and you know what is in my heart. You know the times that I meditated on your sovereignty and your ability to move mountains, and that because you hadn’t healed me; I got angry in my heart. You know it, because you are God. You know all things. I don’t like those feelings, but I must confess they were there.

About sin, Lord; I have confessed all that I can possibly think of. That is the first thing I did. If I am missing something Lord, please…by all means…show me! I want to know that I may repent! Yet still, when I confess and forsake all, the pain is still with me. Why, Lord? I want to be better, Lord, I am begging you to heal me, or at least speak to me about this. What is the purpose? What good fruit can possible come from my being on the couch or in my bed all day long, not getting anything done, and being a burden to others; having to cancel appointments, and not being able to make any plans or commitments…. what good? Please tell me lord?

Oh, I am such a foolish girl, Lord. How I carry on so! I wish I was more like all the missionaries and great godly people I read and hear about who soar through suffering, seemingly praising you and trusting you the whole time. Yet, though I want so much to be a spiritual giant, Lord, I do not know how to be content in this pain. How? I want to trust you, God, please show me how. Please forgive me. Speak to me. Answer me I pray. Amen.”

 HIS ANSWER:“My precious, precious child, I never promised that paradise would be on earth after the fall in the garden of Eden (1), but I do promise paradise in the future for those who have put their faith in my Son (2). I will always love you, with an everlasting love, and I promise that when you call to me, I will take your burden (3), one way or another. You need to get to know me better. Please read your Bible my dear. You will see my love for you (4). Then you will not be angry. I saw your heartfelt repentance already; you were forgiven (5). Go forward in my grace.

Do not worry about those who do not understand. Do not seek to please them, but me. I do not expect you to do anything that you do not have the strength or ability to do! That is not from me. Rest, and trust me (6) to work out the details of what needs to be done. Rest, my child. I know you can’t think straight sometimes, use the tools you have been provided with to keep in touch with me, to rest in me. Use music (7) to praise me through your storm.

You are still learning to hear my voice…don’t give up. Remember the persistent widow? I told Paul that my grace was sufficient, and I did not remover his thorn, but the persistent widow was to keep asking. Those who are mine can hear my voice (8). Keep your ear open! I speak through my word (9) – the scriptures – I speak through others (10) (I have brought you to this website), and I speak to you directly through my Holy Spirit (11). Job was tired of his pain, and despaired of even his life, yet I waited before I spoke. I always have a reason if I wait. Sometimes I heal with a miracle (12), sometimes I give you knowledge to cure your ills (13), while at other times, I make it bearable (14).

My sweet daughter, your anger at me shows how much you still need to learn about me. Ask me for ‘ears to hear’ (15), and I will give them to you. I have not abandoned you, just like I did not abandon Joseph when he was in the pit, nor Jeremiah. So for you pain, keep seeking; keep asking until I say otherwise. Keep your Bible next to you and read it faithfully daily. It was inspired by me (16), and tells what I am like. You will begin to hear me better when you call (17), and you will find peace in my love for you.”!
(1) Genesis 3
(2) Revelation 21:4
(3) Matthew 11:28-30
(4) Jeremiah 31:3
(5) 1 John 1:9
(6) Proverbs 3:5-6
(7) Acts 16:25-26
(8) John 10:4
(9) Acts 1:20, Romans 3:10, Ephesians 4:8/5:14
(10) Acts 8:26-35
(11) John 16:13
(12) Matthew 4:24
(13) 1 Timothy 5:23
(14) 2 Corinthians 12:1
(15) James 1:5
(16) 2 Timothy 3:16
(17) Psalm 145:18

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Healing Rain
Michael W. Smith


Ever struggle with trusting God? One of the most absolute necessities of being able to really trust someone is to be convinced of their love and care for you. It is difficult, perhaps impossible, to fully trust in God when you are uncertain of His heart for you.

Have you ever had any thoughts like these? :

*I just want someone to love me.
*I don't feel wanted or needed.
*I want to be special to someone.
*I will never be as dear to God as someone like Moses or Abraham.

Please look up and read the following scriptures:

1. Matthew 26:36-44 2. Revelation 4:11 (Ponder what this verse has to say about 'His will')


My heart just burns when I read these scriptures about His love for us.

In Matthew, the love the Father must have had for us in order to put His own son through that, and the love that Jesus had to have in order for Him to submit Himself to such agony is just unbelievable. Jesus knew AHEAD of time what He would go through. Imagine! The torment of knowing that you are about to go through some sort of horrid physical abuse and suffering. The thing that really shows His love is that He said, "Not my will, but Yours be done." He gave up His own right to stop it.

In Revelation, the thing that sticks out to me is where it says, "...and by Your WILL they exist and were created." It was His WILL for you and I to be created when we were created in our mother's womb. It was His will. It is His will that we exist. That tells me that He wanted me before I ever came to be born, He wants me now, and He will want me forevermore.

Knowing this is the glue that holds me together.

2. Ephesians 2:4-5
But God, Who is rich in mercy, for His great love wherewith He loved us, even *when* we were *dead* in sins, hath quickend us (made us alive) together with Christ; by grace you have been saved.
Romans 5:8
But God commendeth (demonstrates) His love toward us, in that *while* we were *yet*(still) sinners, Christ died for us.
1 John 4:19

We love Him because HE FIRST loved us. Ever look up at the blue sky? Sometimes I do, just to remind myself of how absolutely huge and powerful our God is. My mind can't fully fathom Him. The vastness and density of the sky is beyond comprehension. Then I think of how that is only the beginning...I begin to think of all the other planets and all the stars and the different galaxies. Awesome they are; awesome indeed. When I think on these things, I wonder to myself, "Why don't we trust Him ALL times?" He is totally sovereign. He is totally powerful.
He chose to save us, to pay the price for our wrongs, while we were still doing them. 'While we were yet sinners' the Bible says. Ever think about that? He first loved us. We did not decide on our own that we would love Him. He loved us first, and paid the price when we were in the very midst of rebellion. The Bible says, 'For is the love of God that leads us to repentance'. We are saved when we realize that we are sinners and with a repentant heart turn toward Him, trusting that He really does love us, and really did pay the price; trusting in Jesus' payment on our behalf to reconcile us to Him.

I am awestruck when I think of this mighty God of ours choosing to pay for our sins while our faces were turned against Him. Not waiting for us to change first, but paying the price first, that we might be able to change. That is love.

I have been thinking of an example in the Bible of someone being in dire need and trusting in God, and His coming through for them. There are so many. Here are some that I found:

1. The woman with the 'issue of blood'. This is very near and dear to my heart, as I have had a bleeding problem for many, many years. This woman waited for twelve years! I wonder if she doubted, if she wondered why she had to suffer so. All I know is this...she trusted that Jesus could heal her. Jesus did. He came through in the end. Many years of suffering, but He came through in the end.

2. I think of Elijah. He was depressed and hiding from the wicked Jezebel. He felt like he was the only one left, but God came through for him and provided food and protection.

3. I think of David, who had to hide from place to place from King Saul and his men. David cried out to the Lord many times in anguish, but if you read the Psalms, many of the psalms close with a declaration of his trust in God's love and defense for him, even though David didn't see it at the time.

4. I think of Peter, when he was thrown in prison. (Do you have any idea what the prisons were like back then?) The other Christians prayed fervently for him, and the Lord miraculously intervened with angels and Peter was freed from prison. God was trustworthy and God is trustworthy.

Jill Mary <><

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My Deliverer is Coming

                                    WHO CAN YOU TRUST?

I would not trust a cashier from my local grocery store to babysit my daughter. Why not? Because my daughter is precious to me, and I don’t know the cashier. In the same way, I don’t know the neighbor girl five houses down very well, so I wouldn’t have my son marry her. He is too precious. Because I don’t know the behavior or ways of the cashier or my neighbor, because I don’t know their track record, I would not place my trust in them.

The same may be said of trusting God. Our health is precious to us. Many will be tempted to struggle with trusting God when He has allowed physical suffering or trials in our lives without removing them. Anger, disbelief, or feelings of loneliness may take hold. We want God to take the pain/trial away, as we cannot seemingly bear it a minute longer. Trust Him? How?

Well, we must first believe in God’s love for us. Secondly, we must know God’s character and ways. We must know that He is trust *worthy*. We must have some access to His flawless track record of faithfulness. We can’t trust Him if we don’t know Him well, so we need to get to know Him by reading the scriptures. The scriptures reveal what God is like. They reveal His love, His ways, His plan for mankind, and His dealings with us.

Take this opportunity to read His word and think on what you read. Are there some examples you find there of His love, faithfulness, or help during times of need in the life of anyone in the Bible?

**If you do not have a bible, you can go to and read the bible or look up scriptures online. **

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Song used by permission:
Sherri Youngward
'She Looks to the Sky'

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Praise You in this Storm
Casting Crowns


1.“Thank You Jesus”
2.“What took you so long?!”


1.“The LORD giveth and the LORD taketh away. Blessed be the name of the LORD”
2.“Do you still hold to your integrity? Curse God and die!”


1.“Be merciful to me God; a sinner”
2.“Who are you to tell me that I am wrong?”


1.“Help me, Lord, during my pain! I need You.”
2.“What kind of a ‘loving’ God are You!”
Oh Lord, lead us not into temptation. Draw us to You through our personal trial. Remind us of those in scripture who suffered and that Your allowance has a reason. Help us to learn. Teach us gently, Lord.

Copyright July, 2007 Jill Mary. All rights reserved. Those desiring permission to copy, please contact me for review. Videos and music are NOT downloadable for copy from this site. Please see You Tube for copyright information.